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we all die, my strange little child friend.
Entries tagged with t: pinch_hitter
tfln
Nov
.
4th
,
2022
01:45 pm
01. Apparently you made everyone omelets last night. Even when you're drunk, you're still a trophy wife.
02. If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it.
03. Turns out, she's surprisingly cuddly.
04. No no, I remember falling down the stairs. I just don't remember it hurting.
05.
[Text her.]
tfln
Oct
.
21st
,
2022
12:43 pm
01. we can ignore that advice.
02. go ahead and get in the pond since you wanna act like a silly goose
03. She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
04. Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
05.
[Text her.]
gen texts
Oct
.
16th
,
2022
09:20 am
here
tfln
Oct
.
14th
,
2022
08:54 am
01. New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
02. If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
03. Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
04. You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double-fisting burritos from Taco Bell.
05.
[Text her.]
gen texts
Oct
.
2nd
,
2022
07:20 am
here
tfln
Sep
.
16th
,
2022
12:17 pm
01. Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. i'm not ready
02. Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
03. I'm not bailing you out of jail once they catch you.
04. That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
05.
[Text her.]
tfln
Sep
.
9th
,
2022
11:08 am
01. Do you remember that text you shouldn't have sent last night?
02. I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
03. I found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
04. Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not a coincidence.
05.
[Text her.]
tfln
Aug
.
26th
,
2022
01:13 pm
01. seriously considering filling my pockets with glitter so whenever someone near me says something really stupid or rude, I can just reach into my pocket with a dead expression and release the glitter into the sky above their head and watch it shower over them like a baptism of common sense
02. I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
03. As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
04. Try sleeping with him.
05.
[Text her.]
tfln
Aug
.
19th
,
2022
10:52 am
01. I told you he always needs adult supervision he just tasered himself
02. I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch, but all you said was that I "ruined your hope and dreams of becoming an astronaut".
03. Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is.
04. We are disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
05.
[Text her.]
gen texts
Aug
.
7th
,
2022
10:31 am
here
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tfln
tfln
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tfln
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tfln
tfln
tfln
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