tfln

[howandwhen]

01. is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?

02. I told a kid that candy canes are bones of reject elves.

03. I can't tell if you're asking me for permission or for my blessing.

04. Just because I trust you with my life doesn't mean I trust you around either explosives or sharp tools

05. are you the reason I woke up without pants?

06. [Text her.]

Comments

[howandwhen]

If it's magic, you shouldn't have to try at all.

Okay, fine, maybe you usually don't suck at that, but saying 'trust me' over and over is just inherently suspicious.
And the pop rock vodka incident was enough to count as more than just one time.

[babysitters]

Only book magic is easy. I practiced a shit ton to pull quarters out of Henderson's ear. And he was only impressed by that trick for like, two weeks.

Well I wouldn't have to tell you to trust me if you'd just trust me! This doesn't have anything to do with vodka OR pop rocks so why wouldn't you.

[howandwhen]

Steve
dude
how old was he when he was impressed by the quarters for two weeks? did you actually become team mom way longer back than I thought?

okay, fine, fine, I trust you
geez
there are gonna be snacks, though, right? not vodka and pop rocks but something?

[babysitters]

It's not like he thought it was actually coming out of his ear. It's just cool to be able to do it. Have you tried its kinda hard.

( but now that she puts it like that IT hAS bEen A lONg tiMe....... Dustin used to be a chubby cheeked middle schooler and now Henderson is off to highschool??? that's wild. insane really. time needs to goddamn chill already. )

You're humoring the bad movies so I can do snacks. I can handle snacks.

[howandwhen]

it would have been very impressive if you managed to make him actually believe it
no, I've never tried to pull quarters out of anyone's ears

fantastic
you're getting more trustworthy every second now

[babysitters]

Unless you need to entertain a bunch of babies or want to be a fun aunt one day, you probably don't need to start.

I'm the most trustworthy guy you know, Buckley. Don't you forget it.

[howandwhen]

I'll wait to make you demonstrate until you start reproducing, in that case.

Fat chance I would ever actually forget that.

[babysitters]

If they're gonna have half Harrington genes, you might be able to get more mileage out of it.

( that was some pretty smooth self deprecation, Steve. hanging out with the reigning champ of creative digs has worn off on him, apparently. )

Aww. While I'm at it, you better not. If you do I know you've been body snatched.

[howandwhen]

excuse you, making jokes like that is my job, and you don't get to steal it

dear god, don't go inviting body snatchers into hawkins too
but you better notice if I do get body snatched

[babysitters]

Just a part time gig for now. Somebody's gotta make fun of me when you run off to college.

They were already here, kinda. Right? I don't think anybody is getting mind flayed again anytime soon. Knock on wood. ( he will be really annoyed at himself if he just invoked people melting all over again... ) I'd notice. Are you kidding me? Body snatched Robin being nice to Keith and complaining about black and white movies, I'd know right away.

[howandwhen]

oh, right. I'm keeping the kidnapping plan a secret from you.

please just end me if I start being nice to Keith

[babysitters]

I'm pretty sure somebody would notice if you stashed me in your dorm room.

Knock it off. I wouldn't end you. ( it's officially EVIL to have put that in the universe!!! ) I would just have to figure out how to get the brain worms out.

Or, get the shitheads to figure it out for me.

[howandwhen]

I'm still working on that part. Bank robbery and bribery is an option.

If you end up lobotomizing me instead of ending me, I'm going to be mad at you. Just so you know.

[babysitters]

And how is either of those things gonna help, huh?

You're not gonna get brainwormed OR lobotomized, Buckley. Cool it, would you? Do you wanna jinx it because this is how you jinx it.

( gpos when making jokes about bad stuff happening to his BESTIE. it's NOT COOL... even though it is said bestie doing it. )

[howandwhen]

The bank robbery gives me the money for the bribery, the bribery takes care of anybody concerned that I've kidnapped you. Duh.

You're the one that took this conversation to a horrifying place, bringing up being nice to Keith. Fine, fine, I'm done.

[babysitters]

You can't kidnap somebody unless they don't want to go.

( it goes without saying he doesn't want to stick around here in a dead end town with a host of bad memories without her. doesn't it? it's just kind of inevitable. )

[howandwhen]

Well, you don't get any of the bribes then, I guess.

[babysitters]

Nobody would care. That's not the problem here.

[howandwhen]

Uh, bullshit. There's more people here that would miss you then are gonna miss me.

[babysitters]

Like who? Old ladies I rent tapes to? I think they'll be okay.

[howandwhen]

Yeah, obviously that would be who I meant. I'm so worried about how all those old women will cope.
No, dingus, like your whole pack of children.

[babysitters]

The pack of children have actual parents. All of them. Some of them even have two.

( not to mention his little shits are grOWiNg uP and don't need a cool senior mentor anymore 😭😭😭 )

[howandwhen]

You think that means they're not going to miss you? Please. Most of the bribes will be for them.

[babysitters]

Yes, fine, they'd miss me. They'd miss not having a sucker on call with a car the most.

But it still doesn't matter because I still can't just be some random guy you keep around when you're off at college.

( it isn't that he doesn't want to go; Robin is his best friend and the idea of Hawkins without her is downright hellish. but he can't just sleep under her bed and hope nobody notices a third occupant in her dorm room. that's not how life works. )

[howandwhen]

1) No, that won't be why they miss you the most, 2) they can use the cash money to get rides.

Ah, see? So it will be a kidnapping after all.

[ yeah, we're ignoring that right now. ]