tfln

[howandwhen]

01. is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?

02. I told a kid that candy canes are bones of reject elves.

03. I can't tell if you're asking me for permission or for my blessing.

04. Just because I trust you with my life doesn't mean I trust you around either explosives or sharp tools

05. are you the reason I woke up without pants?

06. [Text her.]

Comments

[howandwhen]

Uh, bullshit. There's more people here that would miss you then are gonna miss me.

[babysitters]

Like who? Old ladies I rent tapes to? I think they'll be okay.

[howandwhen]

Yeah, obviously that would be who I meant. I'm so worried about how all those old women will cope.
No, dingus, like your whole pack of children.

[babysitters]

The pack of children have actual parents. All of them. Some of them even have two.

( not to mention his little shits are grOWiNg uP and don't need a cool senior mentor anymore 😭😭😭 )

[howandwhen]

You think that means they're not going to miss you? Please. Most of the bribes will be for them.

[babysitters]

Yes, fine, they'd miss me. They'd miss not having a sucker on call with a car the most.

But it still doesn't matter because I still can't just be some random guy you keep around when you're off at college.

( it isn't that he doesn't want to go; Robin is his best friend and the idea of Hawkins without her is downright hellish. but he can't just sleep under her bed and hope nobody notices a third occupant in her dorm room. that's not how life works. )

[howandwhen]

1) No, that won't be why they miss you the most, 2) they can use the cash money to get rides.

Ah, see? So it will be a kidnapping after all.

[ yeah, we're ignoring that right now. ]

[babysitters]

Robin.

( 😤 stop ignoring his ENTIRELY SENSIBLE reality check!!! )

[howandwhen]

Steve.

[ pass. but thanks for the offer ]

[babysitters]

Look, I don't like it either. I don't know what I'm supposed to do when you're gone.

( ostensibly he will be fine. but his big dumb heart HURTS about it 😭 )

[howandwhen]

well, fine. if you're not going to go for the kidnapping plan.
one of the things you'll have to do is take over making fun of Keith

[babysitters]

( Steve can see the opening here, to navigate them away from something more serious to jokes. their safe place. he should take it, but he doesn't. )

Buckley, you're missing the point. I would go with you if I could, all right? I just can't.

[howandwhen]

[ damn. she was not braced for another serious reply ]

I know that, shut up
I know you would and I know you can't
I just need to bitch about it
so can you, by the way
make your own jokes about kidnapping or sabotaging all the cars in town or stealing my mail or some shit
now you even have options, you're welcome
I'm not missing the point, I just hate it

[babysitters]

( oh. that makes more sense. now he feels bad. on top of already feeling bad. because summer will be here and gone before they know it and then Robin will be gone too and he's not sure what he's gonna do without her. dedicate himself entirely to being the Henderson taxi?

Henderson won't even need a taxi that much longer, anyway. )

I don't wanna joke about it because then I gotta think about it and it fucking blows.
Not that I'm not happy for you and shit because I am, just... jesus.
I'm gonna miss you.
I feel like I miss you already and you haven't even gone yet and that's goddamn stupid, right?

[howandwhen]

you were managing not to think about it?
how?

nah
well
yeah, it is
but we're both stupid

[ the bitching isn't even really helping all that much, which is just plain bullshit as well ]

[babysitters]

Nobody said I never thought about it. Making jokes means thinking about it more.

( he's good at trying to turn his brain off when it wanders places he doesn't want to go, that doesn't mean he's always successful. so he doesn't need to make it harder on himself by thinking about how Robin is leaving much sooner than later at this point if he can help it. )

You're not stupid. You're going to college. That's like, the opposite of stupid.
We just gotta clear out our friend to do list before you go, so, it won't feel so bad.

[howandwhen]

okay, fine, fair point

[ maybe it was a little cruel to bring it up, in retrospect ]

we have a friend to do list?
what's on our friend to do list?

[babysitters]

Like when you said we should go to that nerd thing in Indy. ( he means the renaissance fair, but to be honest Steve's not sure how to spell "renaissance." )

Or when you said you'd go with me to a Bulls game if nobody you knew was there.
Teaching you to drive.
There's gotta be more than that.

[howandwhen]

Oh, that list.
And you're SURE we can't add kidnapping to that list? kidding, kidding

There's definitely still a bunch of movies on that list.
We've got to still be forgetting stuff.

[babysitters]

Yeah. That list. The mostly in our heads until right now list. I'm writing it down and we're crossing it all off. Even seeing that big ass ball of paint you don't believe is real.

We're gonna do it all, you got it? Even the stuff we forgot.

And maybe I'll let you kidnap me every once and awhile.

( aka... he will drive down... and haunt her dorm room. she is not losing him THAT easily. OK !!!! )

[howandwhen]

You're writing it down?
Bout time you took responsibility for one of the friendship lists.

[ obviously that translates to that's really freaking sweet and she's touched ]

There's no way that paint ball is real. It's not possible. How would you get paint into a ball? It's a liquid.

YES, I got it. What, you're expecting me to argue?
Every once and awhile kidnappings are an acceptable compromise.

[babysitters]

Well yeah. You can't cross it out in your mind.

( DUH, Robin. c'mon. )

It's a baseball under all the paint. You believe in a moth the size of a human being but you can't believe in a giant ball of paint?

You argue about everything, so, I gotta be ready when you stick your heels in.

[howandwhen]

Yes, you can. You just picture it and then you picture crossing it out.
But having a physical copy would be cooler. Who gets to keep it when we've crossed everything off?

[ they're never going to cross everything off. she's going to keep adding stuff up until their joint funerals or whatever. ]

If it's a baseball under all the paint, then it's not a giant ball of paint, it's a giant baseball that's been painted.
And you can't tell me Mothman isn't at least PLAUSIBLE with all the other shit we've seen. Maybe some other foreign government was experimenting in West Virginia.

Yeah, whatever.

[babysitters]

I don't know. You can keep it.

( Steve is very sentimental and DOES squirrel away important friend mementos. he just can't ADMIT he squirrels away their friend mementos. so he must forfeit the friend list to the more acceptably sentimental party in their friendship. )

The baseball is normal sized, it's all the paint that makes it giant. Look, you just gotta see it to get it.

I'm just saying it isn't more believable than a ball of paint I've definitely already seen before. Where's the faith, Buckley, huh? )

[howandwhen]

No interest at all? No arguing? Wow. I'm offended.

Okay, okay, fine. We'll see if I'm impressed by this giant paint-baseball that you're already totally in love with. Do they sell miniature giant paint baseballs? Do you already have one?

My faith is reserved for stuff I like believing in and having faith in. Anything else gets light to mild doubt or grudging acceptance.
Okay, maybe that's not true, but it sounds cool, doesn't it?