tfln

[howandwhen]

01. is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?

02. I told a kid that candy canes are bones of reject elves.

03. I can't tell if you're asking me for permission or for my blessing.

04. Just because I trust you with my life doesn't mean I trust you around either explosives or sharp tools

05. are you the reason I woke up without pants?

06. [Text her.]

Comments

[howandwhen]

excuse you, making jokes like that is my job, and you don't get to steal it

dear god, don't go inviting body snatchers into hawkins too
but you better notice if I do get body snatched

[babysitters]

Just a part time gig for now. Somebody's gotta make fun of me when you run off to college.

They were already here, kinda. Right? I don't think anybody is getting mind flayed again anytime soon. Knock on wood. ( he will be really annoyed at himself if he just invoked people melting all over again... ) I'd notice. Are you kidding me? Body snatched Robin being nice to Keith and complaining about black and white movies, I'd know right away.

[howandwhen]

oh, right. I'm keeping the kidnapping plan a secret from you.

please just end me if I start being nice to Keith

[babysitters]

I'm pretty sure somebody would notice if you stashed me in your dorm room.

Knock it off. I wouldn't end you. ( it's officially EVIL to have put that in the universe!!! ) I would just have to figure out how to get the brain worms out.

Or, get the shitheads to figure it out for me.

[howandwhen]

I'm still working on that part. Bank robbery and bribery is an option.

If you end up lobotomizing me instead of ending me, I'm going to be mad at you. Just so you know.

[babysitters]

And how is either of those things gonna help, huh?

You're not gonna get brainwormed OR lobotomized, Buckley. Cool it, would you? Do you wanna jinx it because this is how you jinx it.

( gpos when making jokes about bad stuff happening to his BESTIE. it's NOT COOL... even though it is said bestie doing it. )

[howandwhen]

The bank robbery gives me the money for the bribery, the bribery takes care of anybody concerned that I've kidnapped you. Duh.

You're the one that took this conversation to a horrifying place, bringing up being nice to Keith. Fine, fine, I'm done.

[babysitters]

You can't kidnap somebody unless they don't want to go.

( it goes without saying he doesn't want to stick around here in a dead end town with a host of bad memories without her. doesn't it? it's just kind of inevitable. )

[howandwhen]

Well, you don't get any of the bribes then, I guess.

[babysitters]

Nobody would care. That's not the problem here.

[howandwhen]

Uh, bullshit. There's more people here that would miss you then are gonna miss me.

[babysitters]

Like who? Old ladies I rent tapes to? I think they'll be okay.

[howandwhen]

Yeah, obviously that would be who I meant. I'm so worried about how all those old women will cope.
No, dingus, like your whole pack of children.

[babysitters]

The pack of children have actual parents. All of them. Some of them even have two.

( not to mention his little shits are grOWiNg uP and don't need a cool senior mentor anymore 😭😭😭 )

[howandwhen]

You think that means they're not going to miss you? Please. Most of the bribes will be for them.

[babysitters]

Yes, fine, they'd miss me. They'd miss not having a sucker on call with a car the most.

But it still doesn't matter because I still can't just be some random guy you keep around when you're off at college.

( it isn't that he doesn't want to go; Robin is his best friend and the idea of Hawkins without her is downright hellish. but he can't just sleep under her bed and hope nobody notices a third occupant in her dorm room. that's not how life works. )

[howandwhen]

1) No, that won't be why they miss you the most, 2) they can use the cash money to get rides.

Ah, see? So it will be a kidnapping after all.

[ yeah, we're ignoring that right now. ]

[babysitters]

Robin.

( 😤 stop ignoring his ENTIRELY SENSIBLE reality check!!! )

[howandwhen]

Steve.

[ pass. but thanks for the offer ]

[babysitters]

Look, I don't like it either. I don't know what I'm supposed to do when you're gone.

( ostensibly he will be fine. but his big dumb heart HURTS about it 😭 )

[howandwhen]

well, fine. if you're not going to go for the kidnapping plan.
one of the things you'll have to do is take over making fun of Keith

[babysitters]

( Steve can see the opening here, to navigate them away from something more serious to jokes. their safe place. he should take it, but he doesn't. )

Buckley, you're missing the point. I would go with you if I could, all right? I just can't.

[howandwhen]

[ damn. she was not braced for another serious reply ]

I know that, shut up
I know you would and I know you can't
I just need to bitch about it
so can you, by the way
make your own jokes about kidnapping or sabotaging all the cars in town or stealing my mail or some shit
now you even have options, you're welcome
I'm not missing the point, I just hate it

[babysitters]

( oh. that makes more sense. now he feels bad. on top of already feeling bad. because summer will be here and gone before they know it and then Robin will be gone too and he's not sure what he's gonna do without her. dedicate himself entirely to being the Henderson taxi?

Henderson won't even need a taxi that much longer, anyway. )

I don't wanna joke about it because then I gotta think about it and it fucking blows.
Not that I'm not happy for you and shit because I am, just... jesus.
I'm gonna miss you.
I feel like I miss you already and you haven't even gone yet and that's goddamn stupid, right?

[howandwhen]

you were managing not to think about it?
how?

nah
well
yeah, it is
but we're both stupid

[ the bitching isn't even really helping all that much, which is just plain bullshit as well ]